As Danny Meyer would say, "Service is a two-way conversation." Do you wonder after all these years, with the evolution of food culture, why servers still ask the same question at every restaurant, especially when your mouth is full, "How is it?" Or the most creative I've heard recently, "How are your first bites?" Either question still elicit the same one word response. This is not a conversation.
It is similar to asking a lover after you're done, "How was it for you?" If you don't know their personal cues, learn so you don't have to ask. Nothing ruins the moment more than a superficial question.
A two-way conversation starts when the guest sits down. Ask open-ended questions that lead to discovering their likes and dislikes. You can only anticipate their personal needs when you know more about them. Once you establish their preferences, observe their reaction when they drink and eat.
You know what your facial expression looks like when you look/smell/taste something you like versus something you don't like. You know what your body language looks like when you need someone's attention or ask a question. Your guest expresses in the same way.
Here is an example of what a conversation sounds like;
Waiter: Hello, how are you?
Guest: Fine. How are you?
Waiter: Wonderful, played catch at the park with my dog earlier this morning. (keep it light, fun & positive)
Guest: Really, what kind of dog do you have? OR That sounds like fun.
Waiter: Do you have any allergies or restrictions that I should know about so I can give the team a heads-up?
Guest: Yes, they are... OR No, we're all good.
Waiter: Good to know. We have a few specials/popular dishes that I want to tell you about but first can I offer you something to drink to get you started? I should point out that peaches are in season so the bar is making peach mojitos that are very popular. John crushes fresh mint from our garden, mixes tripled distilled rum from St. Kitt's, dash of stevia instead of honey or sugar...and pours into a chilled rock glass. (Even if they are not interested in the drink, you've showed them you know your product, described carefully how it is made and served, and all the while not mention the word "it's delicious" - let the guest decide whether if things are delicious)
Guest: Wow, that sounds delicious. I will have one.
Waiter: Great choice, I know you'll enjoy it. (reaffirm the guest's choice)
*** when they take the first sip, observe their reaction. They will tell you whether they love it, hate it, or are indifferent ***
If they love it - "I'm so glad to see you are enjoying it, cheers!" (you've just told them, I am paying attention)
If they hate it - "Oops, it looks like that didn't work for you, let me bring you something else right away" (don't just apologize, it means nothing to them that you are sorry)
If they are indifferent - give them a second to decide - "How can I make it better for you? Would you like it more sweet or less boozy? Would you like me to bring you your go-to instead?" (all these options suggest you will take action to satisfy them not just lip service)
Assuming you've been nurturing the guest/server relationship by asking questions to determine their likes/dislikes, describing menu items clearly to persuade a desired expectation, and suggesting wines/drinks to complement their dish; deliver each food item with pride and remind them what they are eating.
When they take their first bite, pay attention to their facial expression. They will tell you whether they love it, hate it, or are indifferent. Also, observe the temperature of meats/fish/poultry to ensure it is cooked to their choice or the specification on the menu.
It is better for you to notice and comment, "Your rib eye looks slightly on the medium side and you asked for medium rare, let me get the chef to cook another to your liking" (even if they decide not to send it back, again you've showed the necessary action to ensure their enjoyment)
The point is, knowing what your guest want, like/dislike while managing their expectation is the experience they are seeking. Asking "How is it" shows you don't care enough to build a relationship and make the proper observations to provide a remarkable experience.
Remember, tip is not the true indicator of your service as they could've had a wonderful experience but impartial to your service. Your guest saying, "You really made our night special" and "we'll be back to see you" is the only reaction you should strive for one table at a time.
Try it, the worst thing that can happen is you separating yourself from every other server.
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